They usually call it the writer’s block. And it’s kinda what I’ve had for a long while now. Although in the previous posts I talked about all the things I’m preparing to write here, I do battle an old enemy. And that’s the writer’s block.
Being rusty after such a long pause
It’s been ages since I wrote here. This blog of mine died a long time ago. Alongside the old Naruto series. Maybe it’s no coincidence. After all, it was that old series that brought it to its heights. I remember it like it was yesterday. The Google Analytics real-time counter announcing me I had hit the 10.000 unique hits on my blog. I thought to myself “Wow! Is this even real?”. And it was. It was real. But as that number it was real, so was the death of my beloved blog.
You see, for a simple blogger like me that all she did was put passion in everything she did, to see such a number and see your simple blog getting on those heights, it was something out of this world. My world. I had never envisioned it going so far. But it was something that worked like a machine. I, myself was like a machine. A writing one.
That’s why, after all, coming back now today, feels rusty. Feels odd. I cannot say that it’s easy coming back. It’s a long pause. How long is it? I even forgot the numbers…. What, is it like 5 years or so? For sure it’s 4 since I haven’t written here. Since I’ve been actively writing, at least. And doing it at a pace I used to.
You see, this whole thing is like a muscle. If you don’t exercise it enough, at some point it does become rusty.
How it feels?
I nowadays feel a bit like Tsunade when she gets back in contact with the ninja world. Same as she still had the Yin Seal, so do I have the ideas. I have lots of subjects I want to talk about. Lots of things I would like to discuss/debate.
But I somehow feel this brain rust – if that’s even a term. I feel this blockage, of some sort. I’m not gonna lie. It’s not easy coming back. Especially after such a former glory – so to speak.
I often ask myself if I’ll ever be able to raise back the bar to the levels I used to. And I don’t have an answer. I don’t even know if I want to know the answer.
However, what I do know, is the reason why I did it before and what led to its downfall. I know now, not to repeat the same mistake. Before, it was somehow a race. Because of social media rules, because of how this world dictates that you become this machinery of creation. I was trapped in an industry.
That’s I don’t know if I want to do that anymore, to be honest. I feel as if that was some sort of omen. It was a lesson, of some sorts.
Writer’s block and how I plan to get rid of it
So yeah, now I have this rustiness. This writer’s block. But I am planning on fighting it. As it with muscles. All they need is some exercise, right? Same here. I plan on writing. And writing. Again, and again.
Maybe I won’t have the same consistency as I did before. I don’t want to put a strain on myself. Not now, at least. I want to first be able to create. To get a hold again of this whole thing.
Then I will build the consistency back again. I want to do it for the ones that have still stuck with me. But most of all, I want to do it for myself.
Will it be easy? Will it be hard? I don’t know. I shall live and see. But, if anything. I am not giving up. Nor I am not going to succumb to this block. I gotta keep the energy flowing.
You see, this is my hero’s journey. And my hero has been to that part of his story, in the darkest depths. Like Naruto with Pein. I’ve been in “pein”. Therefore it’s time to raise up. And step up. Now it’s time for the hero’s comeback.
And so am I. Coming back.
Thanks for reading me!